A ‘Fondue’ laced with humour

A ‘Fondue’ laced with humour

My skills as an Inner Wheel President were severely challenged! I looked at a
green mountain of boiled unsalted spinach and a brown mountain of boiled
whole potatoes, on a snow white plate; and then out at the similar spectacle of
the high mountains of Jura, France.
Somehow I had to scale the peaks of diplomacy and the peaks of this boiled food,
so thoughtfully arranged as an honour, for me and my daughter (a Rotary study
exchange student). “Can I hurt their feelings?” I desperately toyed. We’d all just
had an extravagant cheek to cheek and kissing in air session (French style of
greeting). And now their expectant faces waited for praise from this vegetarian
Inner Wheel President from India (never mind small local club) in whose honour
the Champagnole district had come together to host a dinner meeting.
“Er, Maybe some cheese.” I ventured to the chic lady beside me. And met with
Incomprehension! I remembered the ‘Laughing Cow’ cheese. “Moo Moo Ha Ha”.
“Oh beef?” she guessed in French. Shocked. Me- “No.” I mimed milking the cow
and a circle. Ah! She understood, and then called for a cheese ‘Fondue’ and a
‘Salade’. And presto! the inevitable lettuce! This seemed to be the staple diet for
vegetarians in France. I had eaten so much of it I felt had acquired a lettucey
complexion.
Meanwhile one enthusiast (who knew no English but somehow got a smattering
of Hindi) tried to entertain us with an old Bollywood jig. “Afsana ban gaya hoon”
and made everyone fall around laughing. Someone asked me the meaning of
Afsana. I explained, “It’s an ‘affair de coeur’, like the synergy between the wine
and cheese.” Meanwhile the jigger upset some wine from the waiter’s tray on my
vegetable mountains.
As I manfully waded through most of the food to avoid a fracas, I toasted them all
with my water glass, in an excess of ‘bonhomie’. “Cheers to Inner Wheel.”
Inwardly I appreciated, “How perfectly you train us as diplomats.”
-Punam Jain